Wednesday, March 21, 2012

twentieth in March

It's a distinct night.

With no gloomy forms, far from dimmed, can't feel any murky atmosphere.

Instead, it's warm, sultry night. No wind whipping, free from the mark I've been here. Bypass will follow the leave of wind, colorless, odorless, leaving in silent. I take a deep breath from within. Stifling hot failed to get me raged this time. Typing sounds take over the silent all this while. I might be chatting, I might be writing, but in fact I feel searching would be more descriptive. To search what? You probably will think rushing for errands. But I don't.

Despite the hotness, my heart is beating in unusual peace. My heart doesn't feel warm, it's cold. I just tweeted in between this sentences. I feel insecure towards the future, not anybody else but mine. This is the last day I'll be staying in my hometown, appropriately last night. I talked to mom. I wouldn't confess more over the content of the talks but she is going through a tough life from the recent years. So do me, as one of the member in this family.

"Future with no scheme structured I have no guts to foresee" this is what I just tweeted. I once asked a married woman who attached to a man that likes to slack, or with no earnest I could say so. I asked her "had you assured your future with him before getting married?" She answered "Yes, he used to be hardworking in the past." How does anyone expect the formidable changes that would eventually come harmful to them? Entrusted a life to a person to hope he/she will be regarded. What is the crucial point to ensure something that may not alter your imagined or at least expected life? I find no. Thus this formed my insecure.

In others' eyes, I might came from the richer family cos I like to go for exp stuff as in I wearing Burberry, I have Prada, Burberry all sort of luxuries, which is nowhere near the real things. Who knows the truth behind? I don't wanna confess much as people will retort by saying how does the thing work or how are my things incomparable, I should be contented with these. So I pick no to reveal. This is my life, I am experiencing it that no one will ever understand more than me. This is crucial. I am not going to ask haters who retort to get a life just so this is my life. No one would know better of it.

I don't put my enmity to the particular person whom I don't feel like mentioning in spite of violation towards my basis. For Godsake's reason, I have to not putting the enmity. Let's it just be the way God has set up covertly. This post has no purpose of theme, main point. Not whining, not even unburdening myself comprehensively. As the mentioned, I am seeking. Seeking for a goal which I don't even know. I feel lifeless more. A little matter could upsurge my feeling now as being carefree in hotness.

Having no goals in is so hard to strive hard, cos nothing is gonna motivate you from depth, not to say a light goal, I don't have either. A net friend from Chile asked what is my hobby, only hobby he mentioned instead of hobbies. I couldn't think of any. I started to question myself, will I ever be overthrown by a small matter. I started to question a lot in strange. What am I still searching? A comprehensive answer? Or just a feeling?

I might need a better search engine.

Here's a random song appeared in my song lists, which represents me a tad.


No comments:

Post a Comment